The Best April Fools Joke EVER!

**~*~I finally had to delete the Orange Scrubs post. It was leading so many people, especially in other parts of the world, to my post...and people who were NOT searching for my story. So, sorry! That post is gone!~*~**

In honor of April Fool's day I wanted to tell you a story about the best practical joke I've ever played on anyone in my life. Okay, maybe I built it up too much. But, it was gooood.

When I was a sophomore in college I had some friends from back home who came to the same school I went to. They were freshmen and lived in the freshman-only residence hall. They also lived in the same "suite" as their RA. The RA was a junior, so only a little bit older than me. He was this South African guy who just KNEW he was God's gift to the world. He was nice enough, but he was fullllll of himself. We'll call him Chapstick. (go with it). Chapstick had a little South African accent that sort of sounded British, but not as heavy. He also had lived in the US for a long long time, so he had lost a lot of the thickness to his accent. In fact, when he was around people he was totally comfortable with, his accent sort of faded into nothing. But let some pretty girl come around and he would totally play it up. He'd say something in an accent so thick you couldn't even tell what he said. I used to call him out on it. If it was just us hanging around, he'd talk almost completely normal. When some blond beauty walked in the room, he'd start talking and all you'd hear was, "whytcha duoinnnaya turrbuylleasr." I'd say, "Chapstick...No one can tell what you're saying. All of the sudden your accent is SO thick." He'd get pretty mad when I did that. ;0

His roommates (my friends from home) were so nice. We'll call them J and B. Anyway, one day I was over at J, B, and Chapstick's dorm room and Chapstick tells me that he can make a piece of hair stand up in water. I'm an idiot apparently, because I believed him. He pulled out one of my hairs...OUCH!...and tore it into little pieces. Then he filled a large plate with water. He poured salt in the plate (which was just for show) and then sprinkled my little pieces of hair in the plate. He told me I had to get really close and look from the side and I'd see the hair stand up on end. So, I got really close, looked from the side, and WHAM!!! he slapped that plate of water so hard, I was drenched. My whole face got soaked! I like jokes...and usually can appreciate the humor even if it's done to me unless it calls for me losing some article of clothing...that's not funny. So, I laughed it off, but reminded myself that I'd get him back later.

A few days later I was walking back to my dorm after eating supper at the Student Center and my roommate was with me. It was dark, and we went to an Urban University, so you had to be careful about your surroundings. My roommate noticed a car full of boys/men staring us down. They were parked under the dark part of the street, so we couldn't see their faces. Steph, my roommate, suggested that we not walk past the car. Just as we were waiting on the light to change, so we could cross to the other side of the road, I noticed the men getting out of the car. They were looking straight at us...and not in a good way. We couldn't tell who they were, but it was clear they were up to no good. They began walking quickly straight toward us. I started getting nervous saying, "Steph...they're coming here. They're coming. Come on light!! come on!!" I was genuinely scared. Suddenly one of the men began running at me. I had a juice bottle in my hands. In an instant I threw the bottle, started screaming and took off running past the guys! I knew that was going to be the worst night of my life. Just as I tried to run past the guy running at me, I noticed his face. Chapstick. He grabbed me and hugged me really tight and started laughing really really hard. I was so mad. They had really scared me (which was their objective all along!! It was J, B, and chapstick!) So that night I plotted a master plan to get this boy back!

It was right around April Fools Day. I wrote a simple letter that read,

"Chapstick.

I think you're hot. I've seen you around, and I wish that we could get to know one another more. It's a shame for someone like you to be alone. Think about it.

Don't worry. I'll introduce myself soon enough."


And I stuck it on his car window when he was in the Baptist Student Center. Don't throw stones. You have to seize your opportunities when they present themselves!!

So, I didn't mention anything about the note to anyone for a few days. Then I told J and B about it, and swore them to secrecy. They said that he'd been playing jokes on them too, and they wanted in on it. So, we planned a very elaborate scheme.

I began writing more and more notes. I would make each one a little more aggressive than the last. I began getting information from J and B about Chapstick that no one would know unless they were really following him. Stuff like what color boxers he had...or how his room was decorated. Things like the funny way he stacked peas on the back of his fork with his knife. Things like exact times and places that he'd been recently. Things about his past...about his family. I started confessing my LOVE for him. I started telling him that we WOULD be together...and that I couldn't stand by while he chose someone else. I kept telling him that I would introduce myself soon enough.

I had J and B come up with creative ways to present the letters. Sliding them under the door late at night...putting them in his closet...dropping them off at the RA office for him. It was GENIUS. He didn't tell anyone except J and B about it. He was totally freaked! We carried the charade on for about 3 months...then I wrote a letter telling him I wanted to meet him. We planned it out where I said I would be at a Bible Study he attended that week. What he didn't know is I already attended the Bible Study, so me being there wouldn't be a give-away.

He told J and B that he was going to confront this girl and tell her to leave him alone, and if that didn't work, then he'd have to do something a little stronger. Good thing I decided to tell him that night that it was me...before he turned my letters over to police or something!!

Anyway, that night at Bible study I noticed he was a little on edge. He did keep looking around the room at the people who were there. I kept asking him what was wrong...are you looking/waiting on someone?? heheheeh! I'm so bad!

After about half the night went on, and as far as he was concerned she hadn't showed...he calmed down a bit. Once I was sure he was convinced that she wasn't coming, I walked over to him and sat down next to him.

"Chapstick." I said. "I need to tell you something."

"Alright." he replied, oblivious.

"Chapstick. I just love the way your scrape your peas onto the back of your fork with your knife. And I looooooove that you wear red boxer shorts every Saturday to play football at Greensprings Park. And I loooooooove..."

His face went blank. I thought for a moment he might pass out. Instead he stood up.

"YOU???!!! How..? When?? How did you...?" Stuttering. He couldn't even get the words out.

Me, J, and B were laughing so hard we ended up in a heap on the floor. Chapstick just kept going on and on about how I was supposed to be so sweet and nice and innocent! Hahahaah! We had gotten him GOOD.

Of course, he wanted all the details of how we pulled it off. I'm pretty sure that J and B paid a much higher price than I did for the joke. I think there was talk of several "antique-ing sessions". But I would have spent the next year with flour caked over my face just to see the look on his that night!

Snow Day

I haven't posted since last Wednesday because of The Blizzard of 2009.

Being from Alabama...I've never experienced an actual blizzard before, except for the kind you might buy at Diary Queen.

But last Thursday--I experienced one.

I'm going to let the pictures speak for themselves.

That picture is about halfway through the storm. There was a break in the snowfall, and I was finally home and safe (a story for another day) and we measured it to be almost 9 inches.

The snow was blown right up to my front door.

Puppy didn't like it.

It was the most snow I've seen fall in my life. I mean, of course I've seen a lot of snow at ski resorts, etc, but this was major. This was right in my front yard. It was amazing!

We got a total of about 15 inches. It was crazy!!

Google

Someone located my blog by searching for "University of Alabama Panties".


They're not here...but if you find them, let me know. I love me some Bama.


Roll Tide!

Mixed Media

I love TV. Throw stones if you like...I am easily entertained. I like books and movies too. I am a bit more particular about what I read than I am about what I watch. I can see just about ANY movie and really enjoy it. I don't so much love those movies that are like "spoofs" or whatever...but most other movies I really enjoy. Even the "boy kind"--you know, the action-packed muscle-man running through the forest fighting off elephants and lions and linebackers. I still like those. I have an assortment of TV shows that I really enjoy, an assortment of those that I like okay and will watch if nothing else is on, and then there are TV shows that I really just don't like. I watch things like The Biggest Loser, American Idol, and Grey's Anatomy. I haven't missed a season of Survivor in about 4-5 years. I love Supernanny.

I am particular about who I'll read tho. I pretty much stick to a couple authors, my favorite being Karen Kingsbury. I have read just about EVERY single book she's written, with the exception of the brand new ones I've yet to buy. And then of course, there's that author that writes *skylight*. I got sucked in to reading her saga. And loved it, of course, like the millions of people across the country who are also a bit obsessed.

My top three movies are Pride and Prejudice (the most recent one), The Holiday (with Jack Black, Jude Law, Cameron Diaz, and Kate Winslet), and The Wedding Date (with Dermot Mulroney and Debra Messing). Those movies I can watch over and over. I like Pride and Prejudice because when I read the book, I pictured the characters in my head. And then when they came out with the most recent movie, the pictures in my head matched the pictures on the screen! It was as though those characters were straight out of my brain!! And I love Mr. Darcy's transformation. I like the other two movies b/c they're brilliantly happy and lovely and fun. And The Wedding Date has some of the BEST lines!

I love to find out what someone's favorite TV shows and movies are. I think it speaks volumes about their personality. So, please, if you have time, tell me your favorite TV show(s) and favorite movie(s). :)

**~*Mystic*~**

We had a discussion last night about tanning. I am a pasty, pale white girl...but sometimes in the summer I can tan pretty good. I don't really like to use a tanning bed, b/c it makes me have headaches and that makes me paranoid that I have a brain tumor. So, mostly, I lay out when I can.

Anyway, last night some girls were talking about using Mystic Tan, which is a spray tan thing. You go and pay money and they spray your body tan, and it looks fairly real. I did it once.

When I was a sophomore in college my roommate was very commercial...and she was always up on the newest on haircuts, and tans, and clothes, and shoes, and teeth whiteners, and such. So, she talked me into driving to Cullman one Saturday and having a spray tan done with her. It was the same day our university had a football game. The plan was to go have the tan done, and be back in time for the game, only a little more bronze. :) From what I recollect, it down something like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQFYRJiHyNE

I ended up with splotchy, muddy goodness all over my skin. It turns out there are several steps you should follow BEFORE getting a spray tan...one of those being exfoliation. Oops. I paid the price. I turned out very uneven and splotchy. It looked as if I had rolled in dirt.

I still had a good time at the game though.

And whenever someone asked me what was different, I simply smiled and said I got my hair trimmed ;-D

Over the shoulder boulder holder

Sometimes when kids go to college they rebel against the way they've done things according to their parents for the last 18 years. Sometimes, if they were raised to have their own morals rather than just following their parents' then they make good decisions and probably don't rebel too much (or at all). I was one of those kids. I didn't care much about drinking or partying...I was never tempted by sororities or flirty boys. But I did struggle in one specific area: Bedtime. Growing up we were forced to go to bed at 8pm until about high school. My poor older sister was forced to go to bed at 8pm even in high school. Poor thing! Anyway, bedtime was pretty strict at my house, so when I got to college I rebelled majorly. I stayed up as late as I wanted just because I could. Most of the time I'd stay up too much and after a few days I'd swear I was going to set a sensible bedtime. 11. 11pm was PLENTY of time. So for a few days I'd go to bed at 11, then get tired of that and stay up until 3:30 or 4 AM. Back and forth. Back and forth. I actually felt guilty like I was doing something wrong by not going to bed at a sensible time.

I never quite achieved a sense of balance with the bedtime thing. It was the worst my first year. I would stay up until 3 or so each morning...either playing or studying. I was a HUGE fan of the Instant Messenger at that time, and would talk to random people until the wee hours of the morning. I am not really a "morning" person, so I never scheduled a single class until the final semester of my college experience before 11 AM. NOT A SINGLE SEMESTER until the very end. So, I might go to bed at 3 am, and then get up at 10 to get ready for class. That still gave me 7 hours of sleep so I was usually good to go. (the whole idea seems ludicrous now!) Anyway, sometimes I'd drag out of bed a little late and have to rush around. I was so scatterbrained and never fully prepared for the day that I'd forget things constantly! I'd forget the text on my desk...I'd forget my notebook...I'd forget to brush my teeth. Don't throw stones.

So, anyway, one day I was walking to class. I remember that it was getting close to summertime, so I was probably sweating away with my long, very dark hair pulled into a ponytail most likely. I always felt like I was rushing around trying to get where I was going. I probably looked like the most awkward kid! Anyway, that day, as I was walking, I realized that something didn't feel right about my clothes/body. I started surveying myself as I walked. Shoes?? I looked down and there they were. Pants? Yes, I didn't forget to change out of my pajama pants. Underwear? Yep, no problem there. Shirt? Yep. A real shirt too, not even a t-shirt. Then it hit me.

I forgot to put a bra on.

I was humiliated. I was walking around ALL DAY with no bra on. all day. ALL DAY!

I never missed a class until my Senior year of college. I never skipped. So, I was forced to make a decision: continue my day with no bra on, or go home-change-and miss a class.

I chose to keep going to class and just cross my arms all day and PRAY no one noticed.


I should have been awarded a diploma that day.

Books that rhyme with "Sky-Light*"

*so, I am going to be referring to the series of books that rhymes with "skylight" as the skylight books. Simply for the sake of 1,000,000 google searches that will lead unsuspecting skylight fans to my blog.


So...I got "sucked" in. HA! that's funny! Sucked right into Skylight. I have heard people like Michelle say that these books were STINKIN GOOD! (though she probably used a different word other than "stinkin".) and then Jules' aunt was here and she was going on and on about how the skilight books appeal to readers of all ages--not just teens. I had been skeptical until that point, but I decided to give them a try. I picked the first one up at walmart for about $7.49 which i thought was A STEAL!!! I read it all on a Saturday. I am a little ashamed to say that I loved it so much that I got up on Sunday and the FIRST thing I did was run to Walmart to get the second one. I read it all on Sunday.

Sunday night I went to get the 3rd and 4th but Walmart didn't have them. I had to go to Target and pay a little more (they only had hardback). I read the 3rd one in like 2 days inbetween patients at work and during my free time at home. I started the 4th one 4 days after starting the 1st one. I stretched it out, however, knowing that I had to stay in the hospital for that study and would need a source of entertainment.

Now, I am finished with the skilight books, and honestly, I'm sad that it's over. I loved them and was so entertained by them! I read them much too quickly! I think I got so attached to them b/c I need to believe that a love like **Della and Studward's** can withstand anything...even if it's only in a book. And you know what...I was superiorly pleased when it did.

**substitute the "D" with a "B" and the "Stud" with "Ed". :)

Flashbacks!

Oh, man! Tonight, I will spend my first night EVER in a hospital (except for, you know, when I was scooping poo and such working at one). This is my first night ever as a "patient". OOOH. The thought makes me shudder. I'll tell you one thing...NO ONE will be helping ME use the bathroom. NO. WAY.

So, before you get all worried you should know that it's just for a study visit. I am participating in a study that's (for lack of a better word) studying the effects of undereating on insulin and glucose in your body. It all sounds complicated but here's the jist/gist: I eat the food they give me, and only the food they give me for ____ amount of time. Somewhere in that time period on a scheduled day I spend the night in the hospital and they do study stuff like draw my blood every 30 seconds or something the next day. I'm pretty sure I'll have to be waking at the exact butt-crack of dawn. yay.

Anyway, I've started to think about all the memories I have of the hospital stuff. The good things, the bad things...the gross things. All the people and the fun we had! Oh man!! It was such a good job for me.

I've never broken any bones. I've never had to have surgery. I've never been ill enough to have to do anything besides drag myself to the doctor to get meds. Only one time I had to go to the ER because I was having an asthma attack. I don't actually have asthma...which is probably an important factor in having an asthma attack. I think the problem was that I spent the whole day with my dad and his new wife and her children, who I now believe after reading Twilight might've been warewolves. Anyway, I think I was allergic to them not whatever else they said caused my "allergy-induced asthma attack." But even then I just had to sit in the ER and do a nebulizer treatment and go home. So it feels weird to have to go to the hospital and stay. Even if I won't have to have anyone coming in "q4 hours" to check my vital signs. Oh well.

Think of me tonight while you're enjoying your families and your laughter and your pets. I'll be alllllllll alone at the hospital. :( (how was that for a pity party!?) HAHAHA!

So--anyway, I'll be out of work tomorrow, so I won't be writing...but I'll be back on Thursday to report how it went! :) Hopefully it will not be a poo-tastrophe. ;-D

Lazy-Day Picture Post :)

I'm just going to do a lazy-day picture post! Enjoy:

This picture was taken outside a little farmers market in the very small town my family lives in. I thought it was funny.

This is me and my best friend at work on Halloween. ha! She was a "frazzled housewife" and I was a basket of laundry. Someone guessed that I was a dryer sheet, and since I was wearing all white, and since I was INSIDE the basket, i suppose you could say I was a dryer sheet too. (Look at my headband! it's used dryer sheets tied together!! hahahah!) This is how big Westin Puppy was when Jules first got him. Julie's arm is in the picture to give you a frame of reference. HAHAHAAH!

This was Westin Puppy's first experience with the snow. This was like the 2nd day we lived in CO. He did not like the snow.

When no one is around, I take pictures of myself. Don't throw stones...we all do it!

Me and my niece, Catie Grace, had a make-up party. :) wooo doggy.

This is my sister when she was pregnant! I love her very very very much!

This is a picture of me and Jules dressed up for a Mystery Dinner Party. She was playing an Older, Italian man, so she has a gray mustache. I was just having a little fun with the 'staches.

Sorry for the cheap post. :)

Google Searches

So, when you use words like "panties" and "bedpans" I guess this is what you can expect from the ol' google searches. These are things people have typed in and ended up at my blog:


inmates scrubs--I'm not sure if this person is looking to buy them, or what, but I don't think they found what they were looking for here.

buy orange inmate jumpsuit--again, no inmate jumpsuits for sale here. I wonder if these people are looking for new or used inmate jumpsuits?

pantyshow--umm....gross.

inmate panties--umm...even grosser.

julie gross just farted--ok. seriously?? What was this person expecting to find???

inmate jumpsuit yellow--I've heard of orange. I've heard of pink. I've heard of blue. But where do they make inmates wear yellow? The sunshine state??

scrub jumpsuit--it will be much easier to do your job if you buy a separate scrub top and bottom as opposed to a jumpsuit. It's awfully hard to empty a Foley catheter when you can't bend down.

stinky sniff smell fart panties--really? really?????

the correct way to place a patient on a bedpan--don't worry, honey. You get used to it. Trial and error. That's the best way. Just make sure you have a pair of gloves handy (see Bedpans for Broken Hips are very Shallow Post for more info).

Tennessee volunteers panties--I've always been an Alabama fan myself

shallow bedpans--Oh, poor thing. I wonder why someone was searching for Shallow Bedpans.


It's just amazing what people will type into the little blinking text box of a search engine.

My Bottom Will Never Be the Same:my first and last cycling adventure!

Saturday the 6 of us (me, Jules and our 4 house guests) rode up to another city to rent bicycles and ride around. The other city is quaint and unusual, and interesting. So, we thought it'd be fun to rent bikes and just ride around a little bit of the city and see the sights.

Perhaps I need to preface this story by saying that I haven't ridden a bike since I was 13. Well, that's not entirely true. You see, I've ridden a stationary bike, for maybe 3 miles. For a tiny bit of exercise.

Don't throw stones. You have to start somewhere.

Anyway, so. I was a little nervous about this "ride" because Julie's aunt is a cyclist for real. And the girl we were meeting in the little town rides her bike everywhere, so I guess you could say she's a cyclist too. I am not a cyclist.

So, we go and rent our bikes and I knew that there would be a problem the INSTANT I got on my bike because immediately my butt felt like I was sitting on the bike pole with no seat attached. OUCH! (you got a mental picture, didn't you?) I figured maybe it would be okay. Maybe one of two things would happen: 1. my butt would get used to the seat and it wouldn't hurt anymore. 2. My butt would go numb from the pain and I just wouldn't feel it anymore.

Neither of those happened.

As we began our not-so-leisurely ride I became certain of how big a mistake this was going to be. We had only been riding for about 20 minutes when I was almost in tears. My bottom was hurting so bad!!! Also, we were basically right on the edge of the foothills of the Rocky Mountains, and there were very many problems with this: 1. The air is very very thin. This makes it hard to breathe when you're gasping for air while riding up 17% grades. 2. When you're that close to the mountains everything is uphill. This caused my legs to burn on fire, my butt to hurt b/c my weight was shifted towards the back, and caused mucho issues with breathing (see #1.) I knew about 35 minutes into this trip that I was not going to enjoy the rest of my day. Once we got to about 7,000 feet they decided that we had better turn around because, "the rest of the way is pretty steep." I wanted to throw one of the boulders at the girl's head and scream, "What do you think we just traveled??? a tiny hill?????? are you CRAZY!?" but I didn't. Mostly because I was too tired to try to pick up a boulder. I should have thrown a tiny pebble though. I can't be sure, because I was so tired, but I probably could have lifted one of those.

Anyway, the way down was obviously easier since it was downhill and all. I didn't really have to pedal and because of that I could lift my bottom off the seat some and get OH! SWEET RELIEF!! for my bottom.

The rest of the story is a whole lot of the same. Mucho mucho butt pain....mucho leg pain...mucho gasping for air. Except the rest of the story doesn't include the sweet relief of a downhill ride.

6 hours later.

15-20 miles later.

Many, many curse words thought in my head later.

We FINALLY turned in our bikes.

I couldn't get out of bed yesterday. My bottom was so sore. My legs were sore. My knees (one of which is bad anyway) felt like I had torn every ligament and tendon there and my lower half of my leg was only attached to the top half by my skin. I felt like I had been hit by a car.

I think being hit by a car would have been more fun. Mostly because it wouldn't have taken 6 hours.

Unless, of course, I was dragged behind the car for 20 miles through a quaint and unusual little town a little northwest of Denver.